It always starts and ends in the same way.. every time she'd been given the opportunity to be in her own thoughts, just for a little while, when she thinks and ponders over matters. It always ended up being about him. She definitely thinks about him more than she has thought of others before him.. That in itself, gave her reason to think about whether this was something worth a while. Was he "the one" that we hear about all our lives.. the one we've been promised by too many people, that's there's someone, somewhere out there, who's perfectly fit for you, and only you.. that there's a certain somebody for everybody..
What qualifies him to be the one? Do we even have a say in it..?
Is it possible, that this person gives you the answers to what qualifies him.. and then the qualifications would not make him anymore.. the qualifications would be him..
She could see that him and her fit perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle.. but this worried her.. as sweet as such a thought may sound, it shook the grounds beneath her world, in objection of its own self.
It's when a single thought comes to mind, "can i do better?".. which pushes you to try to find your answers.. you start looking around you, with eyes open wider.. wondering whether that "better" is possible... It's a matter of ego, always wanting more and better than what we have.. a thrive for perfection (if it even exists), that can either be pulling us backwards.. or can actually be, mere necessary steps one must take in order to achieve (or rather find) that perfection we seek..
How do we know whether this is worth settling for? If we go about our exploration mission, looking for possible "better" options, we won't find anything better.. we'd find things that are different, and we wouldn't know whether this can be better or not until we have tried. And when we try, we lose the existing possibility of perfection.. This doesn't make anything better.. nor does anything have to be better than anything.. but it's a chain of endless doubts and trials that might never, or actually, it makes it impossible to ever settle..
It's more of a fear.. The fear of settling for less than what we can have.. Greed is it? Dissatisfaction with reality? .. Maybe we think too much of ourselves.. we think we deserve the best, tailored just for us.. what if we don't "deserve better", what if we have exactly what we deserve, and we're ungrateful to the point that we would take all that we have (or have once had) for granted..
By realizing this, the fear of losing what we have grows stronger; the fear of losing it and it never happening again after that.. Every time can be the last time things happen.. Every opportunity can be the last of the given..Is that enough of a reason to back down in times of doubt? Is it enough to convince us to stop searching for better yet to come.. ?
He fell asleep on her lap, and left her one more time with her mind. As he lay there, completely blanked out of his mind, but peaceful, very very peaceful.. it was very hard for her to even try to navigate her thoughts away from him.. all her mind can process was him,, She was helpless, trying not to move and wake him. She stayed very still.. the room was quiet.. it had a soothing feeling of emptiness, mixed with a terrible fear of alone-ness.. That there's not a single soul that remained around her.. She's left with her self, and her thoughts..
What qualifies him to be the one? Do we even have a say in it..?
Is it possible, that this person gives you the answers to what qualifies him.. and then the qualifications would not make him anymore.. the qualifications would be him..
She could see that him and her fit perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle.. but this worried her.. as sweet as such a thought may sound, it shook the grounds beneath her world, in objection of its own self.
It's when a single thought comes to mind, "can i do better?".. which pushes you to try to find your answers.. you start looking around you, with eyes open wider.. wondering whether that "better" is possible... It's a matter of ego, always wanting more and better than what we have.. a thrive for perfection (if it even exists), that can either be pulling us backwards.. or can actually be, mere necessary steps one must take in order to achieve (or rather find) that perfection we seek..
How do we know whether this is worth settling for? If we go about our exploration mission, looking for possible "better" options, we won't find anything better.. we'd find things that are different, and we wouldn't know whether this can be better or not until we have tried. And when we try, we lose the existing possibility of perfection.. This doesn't make anything better.. nor does anything have to be better than anything.. but it's a chain of endless doubts and trials that might never, or actually, it makes it impossible to ever settle..
It's more of a fear.. The fear of settling for less than what we can have.. Greed is it? Dissatisfaction with reality? .. Maybe we think too much of ourselves.. we think we deserve the best, tailored just for us.. what if we don't "deserve better", what if we have exactly what we deserve, and we're ungrateful to the point that we would take all that we have (or have once had) for granted..
By realizing this, the fear of losing what we have grows stronger; the fear of losing it and it never happening again after that.. Every time can be the last time things happen.. Every opportunity can be the last of the given..Is that enough of a reason to back down in times of doubt? Is it enough to convince us to stop searching for better yet to come.. ?
He fell asleep on her lap, and left her one more time with her mind. As he lay there, completely blanked out of his mind, but peaceful, very very peaceful.. it was very hard for her to even try to navigate her thoughts away from him.. all her mind can process was him,, She was helpless, trying not to move and wake him. She stayed very still.. the room was quiet.. it had a soothing feeling of emptiness, mixed with a terrible fear of alone-ness.. That there's not a single soul that remained around her.. She's left with her self, and her thoughts..
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